TRIGGER WARNING: PHYSICAL ASSAULT
When I was a young teenager, a friend called and invited me over to his house. My mom asked if his family was there and he said yes. I walked over there by myself. He lived just a few blocks away. When I was going into the house, I noticed that his best friend was there as well. As soon as I went into the house, he immediately locked the front door. The stair landing was to the left of us. This boy, who was about a year older than me, shoved me down onto the landing and proceeded to straddle me and start physically assaulting me. Luckily, my brain has fogged out most of it. I just remember him screaming at me accusing me of telling his girlfriend lies about him. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend nor did I know who she was. I remember shielding my face while begging him to stop and telling him I didn't do what he think I did. It only lasted for a minute or two, but it felt like forever.
Then, the phone rang. He got up and walked a few feet into the kitchen to pick it up. I looked at his friend and he mouthed the word "RUN" and I got up, made it to the door, and heard "I've gotta go, bye!" as my assailant hung up as quickly as he could. His prey was trying to escape. I unlocked the door and ran outside onto the driveway and around to the other side of the car that was parked. He stood on the other side, facing me, trying to convince me to come back inside and that he was just "playing around." I didn't know what else to do, I turned around towards my house and started running as fast as I could. I was so scared that he was running after me. I remember reaching the middle of the courtyard. I turned around to see if he was running after me and ended up tripping and falling. Luckily he wasn't there, but my fear and adrenaline still made me run as fast as I could until I reached my safe haven. My home.I wasn't going to say anything to my mom about what happened, but she noticed scratches and red marks on my neck. My guess is that he also choked me, but I don't remember that. She called him and had him come over. When he arrived, his best friend was standing right behind him. My mom confronted him about what had happened and he flat out denied it. While he was shaking his head no and lying through his teeth, his best friend was behind him shaking his head yes. Silently exposing the truth.
It's safe to say that I never hung out with this boy again and, although I feel like his best friend could have done more, I'm still grateful that he was a part of me getting out of the house and telling my mom the truth. I've tried to locate him on Facebook a few times throughout the years to try to reach out and thank him, but I cannot find him.
About a month ago, my assailant requested to add me as a friend on Facebook. I immediately denied it and got extremely pissed off. All the memories and emotions came flooding back all at once. Some of you may know him, but I'm not planning on spreading his name. He doesn't deserve that acknowledgement. I have been struggling with remembering things in my past that I don't want to relive ever since though. Other memories that I carefully and intentionally locked away. It's crazy how our own minds can be our protectors, but busts open when a memory triggers.
I'm almost 35 and have finally come to the realization that I have dealt with a lot of physical, emotional and sexual abuse in my life. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, and I'm proud of that, but doing so made me more of a target. I am proud of the growth that I have had as I no longer allow people to use me as a welcome mat.
I guess I wanted to share this because I am tired of holding it in and carrying it with me. I still carry shame, resentment, anger, sadness, but I am working on it. I am damn strong to have gone through what I have and I'll be damned if I'll let this 'friend request' break me or my spirit. Please, don't feel sorry for me. That is the last thing I want. I'm actually proud that I was so strong even in one of the scariest moments of my life.
The moral of the story is to be kind. Don't be an asshole. Care for one another. Fight or flight for your life. That is all for now. Love you all. 💛 K.C.