The Attack

TRIGGER WARNING: PHYSICAL ASSAULT

When I was a young teenager, a friend called and invited me over to his house. My mom asked if his family was there and he said yes. I walked over there by myself. He lived just a few blocks away. When I was going into the house, I noticed that his best friend was there as well. As soon as I went into the house, he immediately locked the front door. The stair landing was to the left of us. This boy, who was about a year older than me, shoved me down onto the landing and proceeded to straddle me and start physically assaulting me. Luckily, my brain has fogged out most of it. I just remember him screaming at me accusing me of telling his girlfriend lies about him. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend nor did I know who she was. I remember shielding my face while begging him to stop and telling him I didn't do what he think I did. It only lasted for a minute or two, but it felt like forever.

Then, the phone rang. He got up and walked a few feet into the kitchen to pick it up. I looked at his friend and he mouthed the word "RUN" and I got up, made it to the door, and heard "I've gotta go, bye!" as my assailant hung up as quickly as he could. His prey was trying to escape. I unlocked the door and ran outside onto the driveway and around to the other side of the car that was parked. He stood on the other side, facing me, trying to convince me to come back inside and that he was just "playing around." I didn't know what else to do, I turned around towards my house and started running as fast as I could. I was so scared that he was running after me. I remember reaching the middle of the courtyard. I turned around to see if he was running after me and ended up tripping and falling. Luckily he wasn't there, but my fear and adrenaline still made me run as fast as I could until I reached my safe haven. My home.

I wasn't going to say anything to my mom about what happened, but she noticed scratches and red marks on my neck. My guess is that he also choked me, but I don't remember that. She called him and had him come over. When he arrived, his best friend was standing right behind him. My mom confronted him about what had happened and he flat out denied it. While he was shaking his head no and lying through his teeth, his best friend was behind him shaking his head yes. Silently exposing the truth.

It's safe to say that I never hung out with this boy again and, although I feel like his best friend could have done more, I'm still grateful that he was a part of me getting out of the house and telling my mom the truth. I've tried to locate him on Facebook a few times throughout the years to try to reach out and thank him, but I cannot find him.

About a month ago, my assailant requested to add me as a friend on Facebook. I immediately denied it and got extremely pissed off. All the memories and emotions came flooding back all at once. Some of you may know him, but I'm not planning on spreading his name. He doesn't deserve that acknowledgement. I have been struggling with remembering things in my past that I don't want to relive ever since though. Other memories that I carefully and intentionally locked away. It's crazy how our own minds can be our protectors, but busts open when a memory triggers.

I'm almost 35 and have finally come to the realization that I have dealt with a lot of physical, emotional and sexual abuse in my life. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, and I'm proud of that, but doing so made me more of a target. I am proud of the growth that I have had as I no longer allow people to use me as a welcome mat.

I guess I wanted to share this because I am tired of holding it in and carrying it with me. I still carry shame, resentment, anger, sadness, but I am working on it. I am damn strong to have gone through what I have and I'll be damned if I'll let this 'friend request' break me or my spirit. Please, don't feel sorry for me. That is the last thing I want. I'm actually proud that I was so strong even in one of the scariest moments of my life.

The moral of the story is to be kind. Don't be an asshole. Care for one another. Fight or flight for your life. That is all for now. Love you all. 💛  K.C.

I'm BAAAACK!!!

 Hello everyone! 

I am going to be short and sweet for my first post since it is almost 6 am and I need to start working at 9:30 am! I was too excited and had to set up my new laptop though! 

Here are a few updates! I am a Mommy now to a 2 year old boy and he is my absolute world. I've been married to his daddy since August of 2016 and I'm still madly and completely in love with that man. Probably more so now than ever seeing how amazing he is with our son. We've been together for 13 years now.

I started an amazing job four years ago and moved out of working in the retail world after 10 years at the same company. What a whirl wind it was to transition from retail to corporate. But, I tell you, it was the best decision I have ever made with my career! I am so incredibly happy working in the human resource field and I am well appreciated and respected there which means the world to me. 

I have been struggling lately with feeling like myself. During the dreaded two years of Covid, I have gained 40 additional pounds (60 total with my after baby weight). Enough is enough. I have been slowly purchasing at home gym items so I can easily workout at my house. I also have a gym at my work which is really nice and FREE to employees. But, I want to start music again. I want to start editing photos and creating art again. I want to find me again. I'm nervous and excited. I deserve to love myself. I want to love myself. Until we meet again....

XOXO K.C.

Our scars do not define us

I am not sure how many of you have heard about this, but back in November the country singer ,Carrie Underwood, had a freak accident at her home when letting her dogs out.  She ended up having to get stitches on her face by her mouth.  She also broke her wrist.  She stayed away from the public eye for months after the accident embarrassed of how she will look different than before. 

She has now started coming out of her 'woah is me' shell again.  A few days ago I watched an interview with her and to no surprise she looks the EXACT same.  I see no scar.  I see nothing different about her face.  A part of me is thinking 'good for her,' but another part of me is thinking, 'what a drama queen.' 

Here is a recent picture of Mrs. Carrie Underwood:



Here is a close up of her scar on her upper lip area:



I am not seeing too much of a difference which is frustrating for someone like me as I have an extremely visible facial scar from when I was a little girl.

When I was young I was bit in the face by an Australian Shepherd named Paco.  I loved that dog.  He was my father's roommate's dog and whenever I went to visit him I looked forward to visiting with Paco as well.  It was fall and right before Halloween.  My Dad had ordered pizza for us for dinner and after we were finished eating we were going to carve pumpkins.  When I was finished eating I went over to Paco and gave him a hug.  It wasn't tight and it wasn't quick or aggressive.  Paco must have gotten scared and he attempted to bite me and missed and then tried one more time and succeeded.  I remember after it happened I wasn't fazed.  I didn't even realize that I actually had been bitten until my Dad told me.  I looked in the mirror and right below my right eye I had a gash that was bleeding pretty well.  My Dad brought me to the emergency room and I had to get stitches.  I can't remember how many, but there was a lot.  We were told by the doctor that I was lucky that Paco did not crack or break my Zygomatic or Maxilla bones.

Zygomatic and Maxilla Bones

  I ended up getting a really bad infection due to something in Paco's saliva.  My wound puffed up to twice its size and was red and inflamed until the medicine kicked in.  Some of the school kids would pick on me because my wound looked so disgusting .  Even if I would have wanted to hide I couldn't.

Shame on Carrie for hiding for so long for such a minimal scar.  Is she really that egotistical?  Does her importance revolve around her beauty and not her personality?  It's quite sad actually. 

My Husband and I - My scar is under my right eye

My scar does not define me.  My husband tells me on a regular basis that he loves my scar and that it is cute.  I would not go that far, but it is nice to know that he accepts me for me.  Beauty is not only skin deep.  I would rather have 1,000 scars on my face than have an ugly heart and soul.  I hope that Carrie will stop making such a huge deal about her scar.  She is not the only one that has a scar on her face.  I am living proof.

Until next time, 

K.C.  XOXO

First Meeting

Hello!

Lately, I have started to go to the gym again!  I am so excited!  I have been trying to go three times a week: Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays! My gym is the best FYI.  I pay $20 a month and it is a gym that has EVERYTHING...INCLUDING a swimming pool! WHAT?!?!  I have to drive 20 minutes to get there now that my Husband and I have gotten our own home in Elk River but, so be it! It's definitely worth the commute!!!!

I am full speed ahead on my weight loss journey.  I have decided to join Weight Watchers and I had my first meeting this morning.  There was a man there, the only man in the room, who inspired me so very much!  He received an award today for losing a percentage of his body weight.  He is down 45 pounds!  What he said resonated within me.

His secret for his weight loss?  "Don't worry about it."

He spoke about how he would weigh himself on Saturdays before the Weight Watchers meeting, but then he found himself also weighing himself at home during the middle of the week.  Then he thought to himself, "what the hell are you doing?  You are driving yourself crazy."  So I stopped!

Far too often we are losing weight and relying on the scale to tell us if we have succeeded or failed that week.  Weight Watchers is not about that.  They are about going beyond the scale.  Focusing on what really matters; your mental and physical health.

I am so excited to see where this takes me!!!!

The Beginning of a Weight Loss Journey

Tata for now! 

-XOXO  K.C.

Hello, hello, HELLO!!!!!

Hello, hello, HELLO!!!!  It has been such a loooong time since I have blogged last!  Shame. On. ME!  I don't know why I stopped because I honestly really enjoy it!  Lets play catch up shall we?

Mid August of this year I switched positions at work.  I am now the Academy Coordinator for a big retail chain that I have worked for for the past 8 years.  I absolutely love my job!!!  I love the people that I work with and I love my boss!  It is almost Christmas and so this week we are playing Secret Santa and having a pot luck on Friday!  Everyone REALLY feels like family to me.  I am so lucky to work for the Academy!!!

On August 27th, 2016 I married my best friend and one true love, Jacob!  We have been together for 7 years already!  Man how time flies!  It was such an amazing and special day!  More on the Wedding details later.

On September 27th, 2016 we closed on our very first home.  It is a townhouse in Elk River, MN and we love it!  My drive time to work is now 20 minutes instead of 5 minutes, but it's definitely worth it and I pass the time by listening to the Dave Ryan Show.

I am currently watching Netflix and the show that is on is "The Carrie Diaries."  It is about Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the Ciry, but it was when she was a teenager.  There's only 2 seasons, but so far it's pretty good.  Watching Carrie being a journalist on the show reminded me about how much I missed blogging myself.

So, I'M BAAAAAACK!!!!!!  More to come real soon!

Hugs and Kisses,

~*~K.C.~*~

We may be getting a house!!!

Hello guys!

So, super exciting news in the life of Jake and Kari!  We found a starter home that we absolutely LOVE and decided to make an offer on it.  After three days, we found out that they had accepted our offer!!!  The only downside is that it is a short sale which means the bank that 'owns' the property has the final say in the payment they want for the home.  We have to wait for the bank to get back to our realtor to know if they have accepted our offer.  It could take months...BUT, it's definitely going to be worth the wait if they accept and our inspection comes out positive!  Then, we would close and get our first home together!  I am super excited!!!!  It has 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, 1.03 acres with a nice fenced in yard in the front, and THREE walk-in closets!  PLENTY of storage!  Oh, and I can't forget the HUGE deck in the backyard!  It would be perfect so we are crossing our fingers!  Wish us luck!

Tata for now!

- XOXO K.C.